The Reporting Software Vagabond

Blog Has Moved to ilikegoingplaces.com

My blog has a nice new home... Please Visit!

http://ilikegoingplaces.com/

Scammed, Scared and Stupefied , One Night in Bangkok…..

"My name is Alex. So what else do you need to know? Stuff about my family, or where I'm from? None of that matters. Not once you cross the ocean and cut yourself loose, looking for something more beautiful, something more exciting and yes, I admit, something more dangerous. So after eighteen hours in the back of an airplane, three dumb movies, two plastic meals, six beers and absolutely no sleep, I finally touch down; in Bangkok." (Adaptation of the first line in the movie The Beach.)

In this story I'm going back to the beginning. The first time I stepped foot into the mysteries of the orient. After the longest air travel experience of my life amassing a whopping total of just over 30 hours in flight time and layovers flying from Denver -> Los Angeles -> Tokyo -> Bangkok, I had finally arrived. Unfortunately this wasn't even the end of the journey as I still needed to fly south to Phuket, an island in the Andaman Sea where I was to receive training to become an English teacher. However with the 30 hours under my belt and another 10 hour overnight layover in Bangkok I opted to find a bed for the night. Anyone whose ever stepped foot in Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi International Airport can most certainly attest to this, but that place is absolutely nuts. With my blond hair, blue eyes and tan resistant English white skin I might have well been screaming "I'm not from around here, come try and scam me!!!" Delirious and confused from countless hours of the impossible task of attempting to contort my body into a comfortable sleeping position in an airline seat, I exited customs and quite literally became a magnet to Thai people. For a split second I felt like Justin Bieber at a girl scout convention, as flocks of people locked eyes with me and quickly B-lined towards me so they could be the first person to talk with me. At first trying to be respectful, I eventually realized that if I gave the time to politely answer each Thai person trying to sell me tuk-tuks, suits, hotels and massages, I would probably miss my flight 10 hours from now. After unsuccessfully trying to locate a hotel within the airport I eventually gave in to an extremely persistent Thai guy who was dressed in a suit with an airport badge. He told me not listen to anyone else as they would rip me off, but he was official and worked for the airport. Looking the part I decided to follow him as he said he would give me a cheap deal on a hotel room just 2 minutes from the airport, and provide free transport there and back for my flight in the morning. Not really thinking straight I was ushered into an unmarked taxi, speeding through crazy traffic in the middle of the night. Slightly uneasy being alone in some random guys car that didn't speak one word of English, the 2 minutes quickly turned into over a half hour of driving. With no way to communicate with the driver I just went along with it tightly gripping my backpack and preparing myself for a fast-paced exit if things started going sour. As the taxi pulled off the highway, we entered a series of neon lit alleyways with what appeared to be some sort of brothels aligning the streets. To my dismay we stopped in one of these alleys outside of a dumpy looking motel. The driver just pointed to the front desk and although I attempted to tell him to take me someplace that didn't look like I would be kidnapped in my sleep, he didn't understand. The Thai guys has smiles on their faces, but I could sense I was being taking advantage of when asked to pay 1,000 baht for a room. To be completely honest I did not even know the exchange rate yet and all I had was a credit card, but I really had no other option. After I paid I was taken into a room that was surprisingly nicer than I had expected with air conditiong and my own bathroom. Glad there was a deadbolt, I finally laid down in this strange smelling new world to take it all in. Just as my eyes were closing for the night I was startled by a phone call in my room. I picked up the phone and the front desk guy kept saying "mistake, mistake you need pay more money." Mystified and confused I just played the dumb tourist card, hung up and hoped they would leave me alone. Minutes later pounding on my door and a Thai guy yelling for me to open it. In a delusional, exhausted state of shock I opened my door and the Thai guy led me back to the front desk. They told me they made a mistake and I actually owe 1,000 more baht or I had to leave. I asked how I could leave and they acted out walking. When I inquired why the sudden increase their only response was "mistake." I seriously contemplated leaving and briefly inspected the dark alleyways surrounding the hotel. Realizing that money is never worth endangering my life, I eventually agreed to pay the outrageous doubling in price and finally get some sleep. Crashing hard I woke up to my first daylight in Thailand where I was provided a free ride back to the airport for my next flight. I never did see the airport offical again and accepted that I had been scammed my very first night in Thailand. When I arrived at the airport I quickly found out the exchange rate and realized 1,000 baht is equivalent to $30 US. So all in all my scam really only cost me $60 which is probably cheaper than a hotel of the same quality back home. The definition of adventure is: An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity. Being scammed and slightly scared during my first night fits into this definition so I accepted it as a learning experience and eagerly awaited my arrival to the island.

Adventure into the Cave of the Monkeys

     If you heard about something called "Monkey Cave" could you possibly pass up going to see it?  Neither could I, so this was the new mission. Having a rough idea of where this mythical cave was located, I parked my motorbike at the foot of a mountain near an awesome turquoise lake. Walking around looking for clues of the cave's whereabouts a group of local boys came up to us and started making monkey noises dancing around. Then they motioned for us to follow them so we obliged. They led us to a small cave that in no way resembled a monkey or had monkeys inside. There was a small Buddhist relic they pointed to, then gestured for us to go around the cave. Just around the corner there were monkeys literally everywhere. Tourists could pay to feed these insanely hyper little creatures, it was quite hilarious watching them jump high in the air to grab food out of people's hands.
Anyone who thinks monkeys are cute little cuddly animals, like puppies, has never seen one outside of a Zoo or Animal Planet. They are pesky little buggers who will literally steal your camera, wallet and even try to bite you if you don't give them some food. I even came across a monkey who hung out in the rafters of a beach bar and when you set your beer down for a second without paying attention it would swiftly snatch and drink your beer so fast you wouldn't know what happened. The bartender said "no give monkey beer, alcoholic…" After a few minutes watching hoards of monkeys pestering tourists for food, the boys signaled us over to another cave. There was a lady selling candles and flashlights at the entrance to the cave, but thinking it would be small and similar to the last one I opted to try and use the light from my cell phone instead. However, after just a few minutes venturing deeper and deeper into a dark and narrow cave I realized I had made a huge mistake. The boys swiftly stole some tiny birthday cake size candles from a Buddhist relic near the entrance so our only sources of light were the candles, a useless cell phone and taking flash pictures with my camera every couple steps to make sure there were no Burmese Pythons or Bears we were about to run into.
The experience was not for the faint of heart as we ventured a long ways into the darkness stumbling across hidden Buddhist relics and statues along the way. As I began to get nervous that if we lost these boys we would literally never find our way out of this cave, the boys started saying something to me in Thai with a sense of urgency. No clue what they were saying, but they kept pointing at the ground with a warning tone. As I was valiantly leading the group through the cave my mind pondered what dangers they could be trying to warn me about. My first thought was some sort of man eating monkeys hence the name of the cave, but that wouldn't explain why they pointed to the ground. Perhaps snakes, scorpians or maybe a massive drop off? With my mind occupied and a few strides ahead of the group, I reached a Buddha statue at what seemed to be the end of the cave.
    With a birthday candle in one hand and a camera in the other I approached this interesting looking relic and pondered why anyone would build it so deep into a cave. As I neared the statue my feet disappeared from under me and I fell directly into a deep hole in the ground. For some reason my instincts told me to hold onto my camera and the candle rather than try to brace myself for landing so I took the entirety of the impact with my butt. I uttered an echoing yelp and could hear Jessy gasping as she thought I had fallen to my death. Immediately realizing the boys warning and struggling to stand up from the piercing pain in my butt I felt rather stupid and lucky to not be seriously injured. I climbed out of the hole and whimpered back to the entrance of the gave under the chilling candlelight. As we made our way back to the motorbike we decided it would be nice to give the boys some money for their cool tour, even though it nearly ended in catastrophe. We gave them a worthy handful of change before we made our way  to the motorbike. As we walked away we could hear a sound like change hitting a tree and the boys looked rather sulky back at us. I'm not positive, but I believe these little fellas were not pleased with their more than generous tip and chucked the change at a tree in anger. Slightly confused as the boys looked quite poor, we hopped back on the ol' trusty motorbike and cruised up to the border town between Thailand and Myanmar.  

 

Make That Shiver Up Your Spine Climb….

    A light tingling sensation begins near the junction of your head and neck. As it slowly trickles south down your spine, your senses are heightened and time seems to slow down. The annoying hum of the motorbike engine and your soar butt immediately become problems of the past as your mind enters an intoxicated delirium of bliss. As the seconds pass like hours and you return to a normal state of being you realize that moments like this are what make this life worth living. This is why you ventured half way around the world subjecting yourself to a plethora of discomforts and placing strain on your bank accounts and relationships. You never know when a moment like this will occur and it is not something than can be forcefully obtained. Only during a journey where you really put yourself out there and let yourself loose can a moment of this magnitude enter and change your life forever.

"And me, I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it's not some place you can look for, cause it's not where you go. It's how you feel for a moment in your life when you're a part of something, and if you find that moment... it lasts forever..." (A quote from Richard in "The Beach." My favorite book of all time, by Alex Garland. It's phenomenal and if you have any interest in backpacking or Thailand I urge you to read it!)

    So when was my moment? In all my travels I've only had a handful, but this one in particular sticks out above the rest. With a stolen map, our motorbike nearly running out of gas, and being lost for hours in a completely unknown world, the day had been quite long and stressful. With evening rapidly approaching we decided to stay the night in this small mountain village as we really had no other option. High in elevation this was the coldest I'd felt in Thailand so I was thankful when my numb hands finally brought the motorbike to a halt in front of a guesthouse. Situated on the tallest peak in the area Doi Maesalong was nothing short of spectacular. A huge temple looming high above the city seemed to be watching over it, and we realized that no matter how tired and hungry we were we must make it to this temple before the sun sets. Opting against the 700 stairs leading from the town to the temple we abused our motorbike once again ascending the narrow, winding mountain path. A slight mist resting atop the green, rolling mountains extending in every direction, time began to stand still. As I felt the slow moving chill down my spine my senses were overwhelmed,and we could barely speak to each other as pulled up to the temple. It's extremely difficult to put a situation like this into words, but with the landscape and journey leading up to it the moment was nothing short of surreal. Clearly westerners were not frequent visitors to the area as Thai people taking in the view insisted on including us in all their pictures. The two temples at the top both were very different from any I'd seen in Thailand before, and we learned the village and temples were created by Chinese people fleeing their homeland. However, aside from a beautiful emerald Buddha inside, the temples were rather empty and plain considering the difficulty to build these structures in such a unique location. As the sun began to set we took a detour down a dirt road to try and catch the view from another angle. The forest cleared into a huge Chinese graveyard on a steep mountain slope. Very unique and colorful tombs dotted the landscape so we hopped off and decided to walk around a bit. Now I'm not a believer in ghosts by any means, but during my graveyard walkabout I genuinely had a very heavy and haunting feeling as if I was unwelcome in this place. I told Jessy about it and she confirmed the same feeling so we left the area as quickly as possible and returned to the guesthouse. After some warm curry and tea on an awesome bamboo balcony I purchased a bottle of Sangsom (Thai Rum) partially because I lacked adequate clothing for the cold mountain weather and turns out it was the eve of my 23^rd birthday. Sipping on some rum to stay warm and wandering about there wasn't any sort of nightlife in this tiny place. We heard of a morning market at 5am the next day, so very out of character for me I went to bed around 8:30pm on my birthday. With the plan of hiking up to the temple to watch the sunrise in the morning I drifted off to the only TV channel in English, showing a terrible movie about cars that had minds of their own and killed people. Tired and content I eventually crashed with the strange and comforting feeling that this would probably the first time I woke up on my birthday without a hangover, since my discovery of alcohol.

Stolen Maps and the Sunset Mosquito Blinding Phenomenon

    The "dudes don't ask for directions" attitude cannot be applied to international travel. For those of us interested in places outside the cushy maps of a Lonely Planet guidebook, word of mouth is often the best and only way to discover the unknown. For me personally these interactions with locals are some of the most hilarious and interesting moments during an adventure. You never know what will come out of asking a simple question to a stranger. I've been invited to dinner, been offered rides and even taken out to drink beers just from a brief interaction. When you're traveling never be too focused on the end destination and disregard the journey. From the insightful tongue of Robert M. Pirsing, "To live for some future goal is shallow. It's the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top."

    Continuing on from my last entry… With the white temple in our rear view we set off toward Maesai, the most northern city in Thailand which serves as a major border crossing/trading hub with Myanmar (Burma). With a decent map from the guesthouse we decided to take a quick detour to what looked like a nearby mountain village called Doi Maesalong. After a few hours of pretty intense mountain driving, we began climbing elevation at a rapid pace. No picture could capture the surreal landscapes of sun-kissed farming villages, dotting the slopes of big green mountains as far as the eye could see. With a passenger on the back, maneuvering my bike up and down very narrow and steep switch backs was quite the challenge. Luckily I already had a few months of treacherous Thai traffic navigation under my belt so I was ready for it. As we passed many poverty stricken communities hanging on the sides of mountains we realized that none of these tiny villages had electricity, running water or even adequate shelter. If there has ever been a moment to capture a photograph so unique that National Geographic would be begging to hire me this was it, so we pulled over to snap some pictures. As we ventured into a village dangling on the side of a mountain two young Thai men passed by on an old motorbike and flashed us the warm, signature Thai smile. We couldn't help but think how friendly they seemed even though they had so little. As I walked back to the motorbike that had been within plain sight the entire time, I found Jessy quite distraught. In our eagerness to take pictures she had left our map and an IPod in her helmet on the back of the bike, and both had already been stolen! Blown away by the speed and craftiness of the thieves we decided to test fate and enter the village to find the perpetrators. As we carefully navigated through the aluminum and wood shacks there was no one to be found. Taking the IPod seems to me a fairly normal act, but what perplexed and slightly worried me was why the smiling bandits took our map!?

    With no idea where to go we continued on for a couple more hours slowly climbing and descending mountain after mountain. With the afternoon upon us I realized the motorbike was steadily running out of gas. The entire day of cruising the rural, jungle filled mountains had not shown us anything remotely close to a gas station so we began to worry what we were going to do. Not only that, but we had no clue where we were going. Here's a rough idea of my thought process at the time "Where are we? This motorbikes rented and they have my passport can't leave it… but can't hitchhike with it…. is it safe to sleep in the jungle… would a farmer let me siphon some gas… oh man this is not good…" Consumed by a new sense of urgency the road turned into a very steep incline and the bike started making noises signaling that it was done for the day. Just cresting the hill the road flattened out and I coasted in neutral past some ferocious street dogs. In the distance a sign said guesthouse and my worries dissipated. An old Thai woman spoke a little English and told us we could purchase some gas just up the street. She treated us to some delicious cherries and Chinese tea allowing us to rest our soar behinds. Three old ladies (one being literally the oldest living person I've seen in my life) were sowing blankets, staring at the two strange white people who had frantically entered their village. We thanked the women and puttered the bike to a shop that sold gas out of an old barrel.

    Still with no map, but a new air of confidence we continue on our journey. Cruising along trying to guess where to go we saw a large upscale resort nestled in the valley below us. We decided to cruise down and try to get directions. Strangely enough NO ONE spoke any English at this secret hidden hotel, but we were able to obtain a terrible map showing only the major highways in the area (we were on tiny mountain back roads). The map was virtually useless and as we cruised on for some time Jessy and I began to bicker about where we were going as daylight was nearing an end. Driving through the mountains of Thailand as the sun sets sounds like a beautiful experience, but I can assure you its quite the opposite. The most frustrating aspect of Thailand is at dusk when you are riding a motorbike. Unless you are fortunate enough to have a helmet with a glass face protector (not common on rentals) then you will be subject to what I like to call the "sunset mosquito blinding phenomenon." These pesky little bugs never seem to come out during the day when I'm wearing sunglasses, but the MOMENT it becomes just dark enough to where I take them off, my eyes are bombarded with insects aiming to bury themselves in my corneas… The initial sting of contact is bad, but pulling over and attempting to dig these critters out of the corner of your eyes is utterly horrible! Doing my best to open my eyes as little as possible while driving the motorbike we eventually arrived in a village with a couple signs in English and knew we had reached our destination.

Getting Lost, Wax Monks and the Philosophy of Travel

    Why do we Travel?  --  For me personally there are two main reasons why the thoughts of adventuring to faraway, exotic lands occupies an unreasonable amount of my time. The first one is the idea that simple routine tasks when performed in a different culture/language become adventures in themselves. One of my top inspirations, the legendary Bill Bryson understands this: "To my mind, the greatest reward and luxury of travel is to be able to experience everyday things as if for the first time, to be in a position in which almost nothing is so familiar it is taken for granted." The second reason is because I think traveling is hands down the best education out there. Put yourself alone in a foreign city with no understanding of the language, culture or where to go and see how much you will learn about the world and yourself! From the wise words of Mohammed, "Don't tell me how educated you are, tell me how much you have traveled." The following story is just the introduction to one of the most raw, incredible, spur of the moment adventures that defines why I love to travel. Here's the tale…

    The northern most province in Thailand and bordering the intriguing country of Burma, the city of Chang Rai was the destination of a long weekend holiday for "Teacher's Day." After another bus ride similar to spending 3 hours riding the tea-cup ride at Disneyland with a hangover, Jessy and I arrived in the heart of a night Bazaar. No accommodation booked yet, but we decided to sit down for some food and beers to warm-up as it was actually quite chilly up in the mountains of Chang Rai. As we sat down to watch some traditional Thai dance moves on stage, a couple at the picnic table next to ours asked us to join them. It was a 30 something aged Swedish dude with his Thai girlfriend of a couple months. She was quite intoxicated and couldn't stop telling Jessy how beautiful she was while constantly stroking her hair. The Swede spoke decent English and I knew one word in Swedish "Skal" which meant cheers, so we got along drinking beers and chatting about travels. I felt like I was doing sit-ups throughout the entire conversation as the Thai girl was absolutely hilarious making me laugh to the point of almost obtaining a six pack. She was telling us that she was the "runt of the litter" in her family, because she was born very premature and the youngest of 8 sisters and a brother. I thought she was just joking around until she stood up and was literally 4' 6" at best. This was funny because her Swedish boyfriend was clearly of massive Nordic Viking heritage. We called a guesthouse around midnight, which they weren't particularly happy about, and grabbed a tuk-tuk to the room.

    After a pretty solid nights rest in a gorgeous teak, wooden house, we rented a motorbike to explore the area. We heard about a fabled all white temple that resembled something out of a fairytale and set out to discover it. Despite this temple being one of the most popular things to see in the area, we had quite a time trying to find it. No signs pointing to the temple's location, so our primary strategy was to just pull over and ask random Thai farmers, construction workers and shop owners how to get there. Unfortunately none of them really spoke a word of English and I didn't know the name of the temple so it was quite challenging. I knew the words Wat (temple) and Si Kow (White) in Thai and saying this while pointing in random directions with a shoulder shrug was how I hoped to gain some direction. At one point we pulled over to an older boy walking on the side of the road and asked him for help. I don't know if it was our white skin or my shiny golden hair, but when he looked at us his eyes penetrated my soul with a look of deranged fear and no words were spoken for an uncomfortably long amount of time. We decided to leave him be and thought that he may have been autistic. Eventually a shop owner's eyes lit up when we spoke English to him and he said "my baby speak English" with a look of pride comparable to having your son win the Superbowl and be elected president in the same moment. Confused as to how a baby would help us, he took us to his house where his 14 year old son gave us good directions.

    Bleach white dotted with silver reflective mirrors, this temple was truly incredible. In front of this heavenly looking temple curved two massive elephant tusks forming an entrance. Two pits on either side depicted some sort of hell with arms, skulls and other body parts reaching towards you. Inside the temple was a monk sitting on a cushion meditating. We literally spent 15 minutes or so trying to determine whether this monk was real or a wax sculpture. He was freakishly still and not once during our uninterrupted jaw dropped staring did he so much as flinch or show any signs of breathing. Hearing other tourists say they heard he was real was the only evidence we saw of that being true. To this day I will never be sure whether it was a real monk in the deepest state of meditation imaginable or not. Near the exit to the temple were large colorful murals depicting the apocalypse. However these paintings were clearly made with tourists in mind as they showed ridiculous scenes of Superman and "Neo" from the Matrix intermingled with Armageddon style situations. One section was a monster whose arms were gas pumps smashing into the twin towers with a plane also heading towards them. As we departed my mind was consumed with wondering whether this temple was constructed purely for tourism, or if it ever truly served as a religious monument at some point in time. We hopped on the motorbike and headed north towards Burma, not knowing that the next few days would become one of the best adventures we'd ever had….

A Levitating Monk Told me the US Apocalypse will be in 2014

    Up to this point my blog posts have been primarily centered around partying and hangovers, but today I'd like to dive into something with a little more substance.  The town in Thailand which I lived and taught English was called Lampang in the Northwest mountain region. On my days off from school my favorite activity was to choose a random road and venture out with my motorbike in search of nothing in particular. One Friday, Jessy (a fellow American teacher at my school) and I set off on one of these motorbike wanderings. Cruising some random dirt roads around the outskirts of our town we noticed a massive white Buddha statue halfway up a mountain in the distance. We made it our mission to find it. After being lost for quite some time we eventually came to an uphill road that led right to the Buddha. It was an extremely steep incline and Jessy was on the back of my motorbike, so when I downshifted to get some more power the bike popped into a massive wheelie for nearly 5 seconds going up the hill. Luckily the bike didn't flip over backwards as she could have been very hurt! After the wheelie she opted to walk the rest of the way to the statue… The Buddha was about 2-3 stories high consisting of Siddhartha in a Samadhi meditation pose, sitting on top of a 7-headed snake which formed a throne for him. An amazing view back on our city from the statue, we both felt very positive energy coming from the area. As you can imagine our wheelie incident was rather loud so we felt bad when we saw a group of monks and students meditating under the statue. As the class slowly departed, a monk in brown robes as well as a woman and man in all white remained. They approached us and in broken English asked "Where are you from?" They all spoke a very limited amount of English, but we managed to communicate using the minimal Thai I knew combined with pigeon English and hand gestures. He started trying to discuss Buddhism with me, which I had recently become interested in as I found the religion to closely resemble my own personal philosophies. The monk's name was Jo and he had been a monk for one year, studying in Burma. The following conversation with Jo and the other Buddhist teachers was very difficulty due to the language barrier so it's somewhat my personal interpretation of what they tried to teach me.

    The man in white was 40 years old and said he had been practicing Buddhism for 6 years. He claimed he was able to levitate and that he had successfully opened his 3^rd eye through deep meditation. He said he was able to communicate psychically with the other monk and possessed the ability to visualize an aerial view of anywhere on earth during meditation. His example was that he could see what someone was doing in Washington D.C. at anytime. He also said that he recently was able to see into the future during a deep meditation session and wanted to provide me with some insight on the future of my homeland. In 2014, he could see a massive meteor shower "like the Deep Impact movie" destroying the US and actually sinking the country under water. He kept referring to Citi Group, GE and the NYSE acting out them all going down. I'm not sure if he was symbolizing a stock market crash or an actual physical destruction of those headquarters from the meteors. He said these events will render the US dollar worthless so money will no longer be important to us. The surviving Americans will be forced to relocate to other lands and 20% would come to SE Asia. The other monk showed me this ancient looking tapestry depicting all the world's religions. Not really sure what he was explaining with this, but he kept emphasizing the importance of the 3^rd eye and the unimportance of money. He pulled a US $1 bill out of his robe and pointed to the pyramid symbolizing the 3^rd eye on the back, saying most Americans don't even know what this is. He gave me a book written in Thai showing the best positions in which to meditate and although I tried to explain I couldn't read it he insisted I keep it. On the cover was an extremely old and skinny monk who had apparently achieved such a high level of meditation he was once able to transform his body into protons and neutrons and teleport from Thailand to an area near the border of France and Switzerland. He then started ranting about how violent America was and how we are killing and destroying ourselves. I began to take offense to the harsh negative attitude towards my country, however he did make a good point that Thailand focuses on peace and the US seems to invite war. Jo took interest in me and told me to return to the statue if I wanted to learn more about meditation.

    I am quite skeptical over the world ending predication as well as human's ability to levitate, teleport and communicate psychically. However, I do think that meditation opens new pathways of thought and most of us in Western countries have no conception of enlightenment or its value. Considering most humans only use 30% of their brains, maybe through deep meditation we can start to access these other parts, and perhaps some of these "miracles" monks proclaim they can do may be more possible then we think… If you are interested in this type of stuff do some research on the Buddha Boy. A 15 year old kid who meditated for 11 months without moving, no food or water. A large portion of this he was being recorded for a Discovery documentary. Some say he's the next Buddha some say it's all an elaborate hoax, read up and decide for yourself….

Leave you with a Quote: "Never think too much about where you want to be and forget where you are."

Full Moon Parties, Buckets and Ethics...

Is Traveling Good for the World?

This is a question I often toy with in my head whilst I'm exploring new places. Especially in traveling to cheaper places like Southeast Asia. How does our behavior and the money we spend effect the host country? Never more have I contemplated this issue more than the morning after the Full Moon Party in Ko Phangan, an island of Thailand.

If you've never heard of the Full Moon Party in Thailand do some research because I've done my fair share of partying all over the world and this event blows everything else I've seen out of the water. Picture a wide stretch of secluded beach surrounded by jungle mountains on a remote island in the Gulf of Thailand. Now add about 30,000 twenty something year olds, house music that bumps across the entire island, buckets full of hard alcohol (literally), readily available drugs, and everyone with a "this will be the greatest party on earth mindset". The beach is lined with small bamboo stands selling "buckets" which cost next to nothing and contain a fifth of hard alcohol, a can of redbull and a can of soda. You pour it all in the bucket and suck them down from long straws with your friends. The stands all have really common, traditional western names on them like "Alex" or "Chris". The idea is that when you are quite inebriated and you see some funny Thai family selling booze out of a stand with your name on it you will almost always go to that stand rather than the numerous others selling the same products. Just when everyone's booze consumption is at an all time high they bring out activities such as massive flaming jump ropes and extremely sketchy fireworks that often explode far to close to the wild dancing masses. One of the craziest parts is that so many people have completely passed out it literally looks like the Battle of Normandy, with bodies strewn face down all along the beach and people just dancing right on top of them. As the sun rises the music continues to bump and everyone who is still conscious have no intention of letting up. Hazy memories of bleary-eyed dancing with Israeli girls is all you (or me) really recall from the last few hours as you trek back to your bungalow in bare feet, as someone most definitely stole your sandals at some point during the party. As you lie in bed with bleeding feet, your heartbeat continues to bump to the bass of the music that will seemingly never end until you eventually pass out. 

    In the late afternoon when everyone on the island arises once again, they've set up restaurant lounges near the beach where they serve American food and play American TV shows such as Friends and The Simpsons so hungover people can just lay there all day. In no way is this a cultural experience nor a reflection of Thai culture, but it is a really good time!! But how does this effect those living on the island who are not interested in monumental debauchery every night? Thai culture is one of the most peaceful, kind and conservative I've come across so what impression are we giving the Thai's when we come to their land just for cheap thrills? Clearly we are pumping loads of cash into their economy, but is the sacrifice worth the reward? Give me some feedback, what do you think?

The Worst Bus Ride Ever: Hangovers and Forest Fires

The most legendary adventure partner on earth is named Chad (that's him on the left drinking whiskey straight out of the bottle with a dead snake in it!!). He and I took 6 weeks to backpack through Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia. On the topic of hangovers, Chad reminded me of an adventure during this trip that makes simple Changovers seem like a Sunday afternoon in the park by comparison. It all started in Luang Prabang, Laos a "mystical" mist filled mountain town just off the Mekong River. After a few days of enjoying this beautiful, slow-paced paradise, we decided to take a mini-bus through the mountains to a town that everyone who visits Laos must see, called Vang Vieng. Here's the tale….

    We woke up a bit late, still tipsy from the night before, with the guesthouse owner banging on the door because our mini-bus came early. Couldn't manage to get our things together in time so the bus left to pick up some other travelers and came back for us. Not a great start to a long ride as everyone clearly disliked us because we delayed the bus. Luckily this bus only drove us to a bus station where we got onto a new mini-bus that wasn't full of passengers glaring at us with hateful eyes. Another bonus was we saw a group of three cute British chicks at a waterfall the day before, but never got a chance to chat with them. Fate placed them on this bus with us which made us very happy (partially as we were still a bit boozy…). Despite having great convo with the British chicks, my body began to take a wicked turn to Hangover Land. Although I had been previously warned by a friend to "ABSOLUTELY NEVER BE HUNGOVER FOR THE BUS RIDE FROM LUANG PRABANG TO VANG VIENG", it happened anyway. All I can say is that it was honestly the best advice ever given to me, as what came next was too awful to even put in words. I was in the very back of the extremely hot, cramped little mini-bus for 5 hours on the most windy, bumpy roads you could possibly imagine. Being violently shaken, I literally had to hold back from throwing up while pressing my face against the glass trying to get my mouth as close to the tiny back window vent as possible, desperately trying to suck in fresh air. Impossible to sleep as my face was being smashed into the window every 10 seconds by a new bump and the mini-bus going top speed on the sketchiest road ever, brief chats with the hot British chicks were the only thing that kept me alive.

Just when I thought the world couldn't get any worse we noticed a MASSIVE plume of smoke coming from the valley which we were entering. As we drove closer we could see that it was a huge forest fire and as this was the only road, our options were to drive through the fire or return 5 hours (which we probably didn't have the gas for anyway). Starting to get closer to the fire we could see it was burning on both sides of the road getting dangerously close to engulfing the entire road. A local farmer came up and exchanged some Laotian words with our driver and kept shaking his head. The driver decided to slowly approach to see if the road was on fire yet. Thick smoke began surrounding the mini-bus, and pieces of ash started raining down upon us. The driver slowly moved forward to the point where flames were right near the mini-bus then decided to STOP!? All the passengers started to get very nervous and yelling at the zero English speaking driver to just speed through the smoke as the flames were nearing our vehicle!! He continued to sit as flames got closer and closer and I literally felt like I was in a movie for the most horrible experience on earth.

So hungover that I could barely speak, my thoughts were consumed with thinking the end of Alex and Chad was rapidly approaching. Eventually he stepped on it and accelerated through the smoke. Waiting for the explosion I eventually opened my eyes to see that we'd come out the other side of the fire, still hungover but alive nonetheless. We finally arrived in Vang Vieng, grabbed a guesthouse with the hot British chicks and celebrated being alive. The madness that is Vang Vieng, Laos I will save for another story, but to sum it up there's a river that you float a tube down with an epic mountain backdrop, dotted with bamboo bars offering free Lao Lao shots, crazy rope swings and zip lines.

Beer is Cheaper than Water! A Gift or a Curse?

So I recently returned from a 5 day trip to Boston for St. Patty's Day. Just to give you an idea of how the trip went, on our 10:30am flight to Boston our beautiful and amazing flight attendant took a liking to my crew and provided us with free Heinekens and Jack Daniels for the entirety of the flight. The trip was legendary to say the least, but it was definitely filled with extreme highs and lows. My 3 other friends and I were staying in a one bedroom apartment with my buddy and his girlfriend, so we were forced to alternate between the couch and floor. Let's just say after a full day of walking the city, consuming copious amount of Guinness and dancing to bagpipes, waking up on the floor with a killer hangover isn't the most awesome position to be in. What's ironic about this situation is that in addition to being a technical video producing extraordinaire, I also co-own and run a Hangover Helpers business in my hometown. Funny enough the business is designed to relieve persons in the exact same situation I was in all weekend, by providing breakfast burritos, Gatorades and cleaning your house so your entire day is not spent in a miserable state of being. If you haven't heard of it check out our Hangover Helpers website. Anyway, similar to my last entry my coping strategy with a bad situation is just to remind myself of a time when I was in far worse condition. Here's the tale…

    Thailand is hot, really, really hot. I'm a London born kid who grew up in the mild Colorado weather, so extreme heat is not something I'm familiar with. Now I'm sure most are familiar with the symptoms of a hangover; dry mouth, pounding headache, queasy stomach and an overall sense of misery. Now combine extreme temperatures with a wicked hangover and you've got yourselves into what some might argue is a dimension of hell. To top this off there's a strange phenomenon in Thailand that might seem like heaven to some, but is actually a gift and a curse. Beer is cheaper than water…. Drinking the tap water isn't something you should do unless you appreciate frequent and long trips to the squatty potty (eastern style toilet that's basically a hole in the ground). So this often presents one in a situation where its more economical to drink beer. Sounds like fun right? Not necessarily… The most common beer in Thailand is called Chang (elephant). It claims a fairly strong 6.4% alcohol content, however most locals will tell you that in reality it actually ranges between 6% - 10% depending on the batch. In addition, the beer most commonly comes in 640ml bottles which is roughly 2 standard 12oz beers. Now here's the kicker, Chang Beer uses formaldehyde as a preservative! If anyone has taken a high school anatomy class they can immediately recognize the awfully pungent smell of this awful chemical. I can't be sure whether it's the formaldehyde, alcohol content or some mystery ingredient but the morning after effects of consuming Chang are an experience I wish not even on my enemies. The experience is far superior and cannot be classified in the same realm as a hangover, hence the term CHANGOVER. As if this wasn't enough there's another phenomenon that contributes to the most wretched mornings imaginable and no joke developed into my worst fear in Thailand. Picture a 100 degree day, drinking Chang and walking around a city. After sightseeing you meet some hilarious travelers and go drink beers and discuss adventures. You've explored the city's nightlife, but over indulged a bit in your Chang consumption so you go to your guesthouse for some shut eye. Because your bed was only $5 it contains no air conditioning or fan for that matter. As you wake up in a massive pool of sweat, with a horrid Changover your overheated brain starts forming a thought more terrifying than playing water polo against a pack of Great White Sharks… There's no water in your room!! It's not as if you can merely drag your body out of your room and go lay your head in the sink for a few minutes. You must not only trek back out into the heat in search of it, but when you finally locate someone who sells this rare coveted liquid you will have to haggle them to get a fair price, and most likely the crafty Thai person will recognize your Changover state and drain every baht (Thai Currency) you possess! Please heed my advice, if you choose to indulge in the demon commonly known as Chang Beer, please have a large bottle of water laying next to your pillow BEFORE you venture out….