Moved by Admin (12/17/09):
What Programmers need to know about Women.
-When beginning any "project" with a woman, first identify the level of difficulty. You don't have to know all about women's shoes to know if the budget for the project is going to be high.
Just say to them, "Nice shoes" the more they tell you about them, the harder the project is going to be.
-It is best to ascertain the scope of the "Project" early on. When doing your du-diligence observe the work environment of the project. If you see a lot of pictures of family and friends, this is going to be a very social endeavor. Be prepared to "meet up with friends" . This could be bad if your IQ is off the charts, but you only wear white shirts so you don't have to decide what to wear. Non programmers don't get a funny c# integration joke. Actually you will be shunned publicly and possibly stuck with the bar tab because you are the only sober one in the group. CAUTION!
-The key to a successful beginning of a project is to let the woman begin the programming sequence. Merely ask an open ended question about her
a. geographical history
b. family history
c. weekend activities (outside work)
and then hit /Woman?//talk: RUN . Regrettably, you could pull a virus from this program and it will lock up and you will have no way of shutting this program down. Rebooting is not an option. You may try the Ctrl-ALT-Delete, by excusing yourself to the restroom and hope for the best upon your return.
-CAUTION # 2. Beware of a horrible bug that "Projects" occasionally throw at you. You may have a smooth running program and then you will get the verbal prompt, "Have you dated much?"
SHUT DOWN IMEADIATLY!!! DANGER! Women Projects are not inherently badly programmed, but deep, deep down in the code is this evil bug. It lays quietly waiting for your firewall to be down and your anti-virus to not be updated and then the bug surfaces. You are about to crash !
No matter what your response is to this answer it will be filed into a log and sent out on the internet in a nano second. Anything from, "My mother doesn't let me date much." To "I hook up with all the girls in my chat room." At this point in the conversion, pretend to lose all equilibrium and fall down and flail about on the floor. Even if she steps on your sternum with a 4" heal, it will be better than having your soul crushed like Vista loading on your machine and removing all of your files it didn't like.
To be continued:
